Secrets (Rosslington)
by R5fanfiction
Summary: Ross has always been the life of the party. He was always so happy and he never complained about working hard and having a busy schedule. He was always smiling; he never seemed to get upset or over-stressed. He could make anyone smile, in any situation. He was one of a kind. But he had a secret no one knew. He was in love with his best friend and fellow bandmate Ellington Ratliff.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter one

Ross has always been the life of the party. He was always so happy and he never complained about working hard and having a busy schedule. He was always smiling; he never seemed to get upset or over-stressed. He could make anyone smile, in any situation. He constantly gave his all for the fans. He was one of a kind.

But he had a secret. No one knew this about him, no one at all. Not his brothers, or his parents and definitely not Ratliff. What no one knew is that Ross was gay, and he was in love with his best friend and fellow bandmate Ellington Ratliff.

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ROSS POV

We all ran off the stage after another amazing show. There was just so much good energy in the crowd, and we rocked our hardest. We had just finished the first show on the louder tour in Warsaw. It was amazing to think that, R5, a little family band, had thousands of fans on the other side of the world.

We were all sweaty and gross, but we all hugged each other and said how great each of us played. I looked over and saw that Rydel and Ellington were holding hands. They had been 'together' since New Year's Eve, when they shared a midnight kiss. Jealousy filled my thoughts, as they flirted with each other.

No one knew this, but I had the biggest crush on Ellington. I think I was falling in love with him, but how could you not? I mean his hair was so perfect and his eyes were the most beautiful shade of brown. But I knew that he would never feel that way about me. He was dating my sister, a girl.

I couldn't imagine what would happen if the world found out I was gay, and that I like Ellington. Rydel would hate me for sure, and Ratliff would probably be so freaked out that he would never want to see me again. I still worked for Disney as well, so my contract would probably be cancelled, along with R5s contract with Hollywood Records. I had been keeping my secret to myself for the past four months, and I couldn't tell anyone.

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We were now in the hotel, and we were all just hanging around on the couch in Riker's room. His had the best Wi-Fi connection and was the biggest out of all the rooms. I was sitting on one of the armchairs, Rocky was sprawled out on the floor with Riker, and Ratliff and Rydel were cuddled together on the couch.

Just the sight of them together made my heart sink. The way that he looked at Rydel with such passion and love, I wish he looked at me like that. But he would never love me like that. I was a guy, to begin with, and it was clear that he was interested in girls. Rydel was beautiful, which may sound weird coming from me, her brother, but it was true. I was so plain and boring. Not Ellington Ratliff worthy.

I looked over at them again, and they were full on making out. Ratliff had his hands on either cheek, as their lips moved together. I wish he would kiss me like that. I bet his kisses are amazing. I would probably never find out, but from just looking at them, you could tell.

I couldn't sit here and watch them anymore; it hurt too much, watching your crush making out with your sister. I didn't ask to be gay, and given the choice, I would choose to be straight in a heartbeat. But I couldn't help the way that I felt around Ellington. How my heart fluttered when he looked at me, and the butterflies that swarmed my stomach when I saw him smile.

I got up and headed to the door without saying anything. I just made my way to my room, and slammed my door. I sat down on the bed and tugged violently at my hair. This crush was driving me insane, and I wish it would just go away.

I heard the door open and looked up to see Riker standing in front of me. Out of all of my siblings, me and Riker were definitely the closest. We told each other everything, well almost everything, and I knew that I could trust him with anything. But trust wasn't an issue with telling Riker about my crush on Ellington, I was scared that he would judge me, that he wouldn't want to be my brother anymore.

"Hey Riker"

"What's wrong Ross?"

I could list a million things that were wrong, but I really didn't want to tell anyone my secret.

"Nothing…"

"Come on Ross, seriously. You're always so happy and energetic, this isn't like you"

Maybe I could tell Riker.

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RIKER POV

No one knew what was going on when Ross stormed out of the room. It was so unexpected, that we didn't even know it had happened, until he was gone. Rydel and Ellington had finally stopped making out, but they were still holding hands tightly.

No one was saying anything, and the silence was starting to become awkward.

"I think I' going to go check what's up with Ross"

I quickly hurried out of the room and towards Ross' room. I already had a key to his room, since I was the oldest; I had a key to everyone's rooms. I opened the door and saw Ross sitting on his bed, and it looked like he was trying to rip his hair out.

Ok something was definitely wrong. Ross was never like this. He was the crazy, fun energetic one, the one that never got tired or upset. Now here he was, looking frustrated and stressed. He looked up and his expression softened a little bit when he saw me.

"Hey Riker"

"What's wrong Ross?"

He hesitated for a brief moment.

"Nothing…"

"Come on Ross, seriously. You're always so happy and energetic, this isn't like you"

He paused for a while, and seemed deep in thought. Ross and I have always been close. We were like best friends rather than brothers. We always told each other everything, no secrets, and it kind of hurt me to think that Ross was hiding things from me.

"If I tell you this, you have to promise not to tell anyone, and I mean anyone"

"You can trust me Ross"

He sighed and ran his hands through his hair again; it was one of his many nervous habits. Whatever Ross had to tell me, it couldn't be that bad.

"I have a crush on Ellington"

Or maybe it could be that bad


	2. Chapter 2

**Sorry for the wait, just wanted to get the views and reviews up before continuing. Please review amad tell me what you think, or if you have any ideas that you think would work.**

* * *

NO ONES POV

It had been a week since Ross had confessed his feelings to Riker. Not much had changed. If anything, Ratliff and Rydel seemed closer than ever. Sometimes it would actually hurt for Ross to watch them cuddling together on the couch or kissing backstage. The fact that they were in the midst of their European tour wasn't helping, he had to survive another 2 and a half weeks of being around them constantly.

Right now they were all at a restaurant after their show in Amsterdam. They were in a booth, in the corner, a more private setting for one of the most successful bands of the time. Rydel and Ellington were seated together, of course, and Ross just happened to be sitting opposite them, so no matter how hard he tried to distract himself, they were there, right in front of him.

"So that show was pretty awesome right guys?" Rocky asked, obviously trying to get a conversation going at the oddly quiet table.

"It was pretty sweet" Riker agreed.

"One of our best yet" Rydel nodded

"I think it was great" Ratliff said as he nuzzled his face into Rydel's neck, making her giggle.

Ross cringed in disgust. In any other situation, Ross would have been happy for his sister and his best friend, but not when he was feeling this way about Ellington. His heart sunk as he watched the two exchange sweet nothings into the others ear.

"What about you Ross?"

Ross looked up and saw everyone looking at him expectantly. The show itself had been great, great crowd, great venue, yet Ross just didn't find himself enjoying it as much as he should have. He was too busy paying attention to the constant gazes between Rydel and Ellington throughout the night.

"It was good", he said in a bored monotone.

"What's up with you?"

Ross quickly looked over as Ratliff spoke to him. What was wrong with Ross? Apart from the obvious of him crushing on his best friend, Ross was just sick of being on tour and wanted nothing more than to go home and curl up on his own bed, rather than the unfamiliar, uncomfortable hotel beds that he had been recently sleeping in.

"Nothing".

Ross noticed Ratliff eyeing him suspiciously, but he seemed to let it slide.

* * *

The band was currently at the venue, in Munich, hours before their show would begin. It wasn't uncommon that the group would come in and practice before their concert, even though they had their sound check, a little extra rehearsal never hurt.

Ross wasn't in a good mood, a common occurrence for the past week or so. Normally he would be the one having the most fun or enjoying the sights and interviews. He was the most confident one in the band, the one who was the most out there. At the moment though, he was trying to take this rehearsal seriously, but a certain two people continued to muck around, and his patience was wearing.

He strummed a few chords and the others gradually joined in.

"In the back of a taxi cab one, quick turn you we-"

He was cut off by a high pitched giggling and the keyboard and drums being no longer audible. He turned around and saw Ellington chasing Rydel, who was running around with both of his drumsticks in her hands.

Ross felt himself getting angry, this wasn't the first time today that they had messed up a song or interrupted their rehearsal. Deep down he also felt himself getting jealous. He wished that it was him that Ellington was chasing. Ever since 'Rydellington' happened a few months ago, Ross and Ratliff hadn't been hanging out as much as they used to. At one stage, they were inseparable. They did everything together, but now it was like Ross was invisible to Ellington, that or he just didn't matter anymore.

"Rydel, Ratliff! Would it kill you just to pay attention for one fucking song?" He growled angrily at them.

Everyone seemed a bit taken back by Ross' anger. Ross was never the one to get angry over things like this, normally he would be the one that had to be shouted at for not paying attention or being distracted during rehearsals. Riker of course knew what was going on, and couldn't help but feel sympathetic for his little brother. He was happy that his sister was happy and had finally found someone, but he wasn't sure if it was worth it if it meant causing Ross this much pain.

"Woah dude, chill" Rocky said, furrowing his eyebrows at his younger brothers behaviour.

This just set Ross off even more.

"Well sorry for trying to be serious about our fucking band"

Ross just sent a glare towards the couple, who seemed a bit scared about the way Ross was acting, before taking off his guitar and storming out. The remaining for just looked at each other, before Ratliff left the room as well.

Ross ran back to the hotel, which was only a few minutes away, and went straight back up to the room which he was sharing with Rocky. He was in such a mood, that he didn't even notice that the door hadn't been shut properly. He just threw himself onto the bed and groaned into the pillow.

Ratliff quickly walked through the halls until he reached Ross' room. He waited outside for a few moments, trying to gather his thoughts, before taking a deep breath and making his way into the room.

He immediately noticed how dark the room was but still managed to make out the younger boy lying on his bed, and despite having no idea what was wrong with him, he felt sorry for Ross.

Ross, having heard someone come in, thought it was Rocky, since his brother was the only other one with a key to the room.

"Go away Rocky"

"It's not Rocky", Ratliff responded quietly.

Ross' head snapped up at the sound of his voice. What was he doing here? Out of all people, it had to be Ellington that came after him. He looked him over for a second, before shoving his face back into the pillow, obviously not looking to start a conversation.

"What's wrong Ross? You've been acting weird for the past few days"

"Like you give a shit". Ross' words were muffled by the pillow.

"Of course I care; I'm your best friend"

Something about the way that Ellington just assumed they were still best friends pissed Ross off even more. He lifted his head to glare at him.

"Best friend? Is that what you call it? You've hardly said two words to me this whole tour", his words were full of anger.

"Well you know Ross; you haven't exactly been trying to talk to me either"

"That's bullshit! Last year we hung out almost every day. We did everything together. Then all of a sudden you get a girlfriend, and it's like I don't even exist anymore. You blew me off countless amounts of times, when you were two busy making out with your girlfriend to hang out with your 'best friend'"

Ratliff paused for a second, taking in everything that had just been said. It was true, he had blown off Ross several times before, but dating Rydel just seemed more important to him.

"You're just jealous that I'm hanging out with someone else instead of you. It always has to be about oyu doesn't it Ross. You thrive off the attention, and now you get mad because I'm spending time with my girlfriend! At least she actually cares about someone other than herself! Why can't you be more like her, maybe then I would be more willing to hang out with you".

He didn't mean the words that came tumbling out of his mouth; he was just saying them out of anger towards his friend, who was now on the verge of tears. If he was being honest, Ross was probably one of the most selfless people out there. He did everything for him family and for his fans. Even when he had individual interviews he always made sure to mention the band or siblings.

For Ross, hearing those words come out of Ratliff's mouth made his heart break. Was he really that selfish? Rydel wasn't selfish, Rydel was perfect. Ellington was right, why couldn't he be more like her. Maybe he would have a chance with him. If having Ratliff like him meant that he couldn't be himself, Ross was willing to change, in fact Ross was willing to do anything in order for him to return his feelings.

"Get out"

"Ross…"

"Please just get out"

Ratliff nodded slowly and took one more look at Ross, before leaving the room, this time shutting the door completely.


	3. Chapter 3

long time no post. Sorry.

Anyway so I hope you like this and just so you know, in my story, Rocky and Riker don't share a room. Oh and I have the BIGGEST plot twist planned for this story! This chapter gets a bit weird sorry...

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ROSS POV  
Why can't you be more like her…  
Throughout the two months since Ross had kicked Ratliff out of the hotel room, those words had been circulating around his head non-stop. No matter what he did to try and distract himself, he just could not forget them. He would often spend hours practicing music or at photo shoots or at an interview, but Ratliff was always on his mind.

The tour hadn't done much to distract him, and now that it was over, he had nothing to do with himself. They were leaving for their Canadian leg of the tour in two weeks, and the Kids Choice Awards were coming up, but for now, he spent most of his time in his room, either sleeping or just watching movies.  
Their parents were out with Ryland, and everyone else had just left to go get some frozen yoghurt, but Ross refused. He had definitely distanced himself from his family, but no one had tried to talk to him about it yet. The way he felt about his bandmate, had gone way past the point of a crush, and now he was head over heels in love with him. And this love was driving him crazy.

He was just sitting on his bed, thinking. If Ratliff wanted him to be more like Rydel, then he was going to be more Rydel. He quickly got off his bed ad rushed into Rydel's room. He knew what he was going to do was weird and crazy, but if it made Ellington like him, he would do it without hesitation.

Ross opened up his sisters wardrobe and looked through several of her outfits. He finally pulled out a plain black skirt and pink floral top. He put them on, and felt oddly comfortable in the new outfit he was wearing. On Rydel's dresser he found a pink nail polish, which he happily painted his finger nails with. He made his way into Rydel's bathroom, and looked at himself in the mirror.

He still was Ross, and he didn't want to be Ross anymore. He wanted to be Rydel, the girl that Ratliff loved, maybe then he could be loved as well. He opened up one of the many make up bags and pulled out long black cylinder like object. He opened it up, and discovered it to be a mascara wand. He hesitated for a second, before applying it to both sets of eyelashes. He also managed to find a bright pink lipstick, and put some onto his lips.  
Now when he looked at himself in the mirror he felt more secure about how he looked. If he had her long straight her, and more feminine features, he could definitely pass as Rydel. He couldn't help the smile that spread over his face as that thought came to his mind.

He looked even further into his sisters drawers and nice set of clip on earrings. He looked at them curiously before deciding that they would only improve his Rydel-like appearance. As he was clipping one of the earrings on, a loud high-pitched scream echoed through the small bathroom.

In the doorway stood a horrified Rydel. She had just walked in on her younger brother, wearing her clothes, wearing her makeup. She was in the middle of freaking out over the craziness of the situation.  
After hearing her scream, Rocky, Ratliff and Riker ran to the bathroom to see what was going on. Ross just stood there, feeling slightly embarrassed about how everyone was just staring at him, and nervous about whether Ellington would like his new look or not.

"What the fuck are you doing you freak?!" Rydel shouted at him.

She stormed over to him before he got a chance to respond and snatched the earrings out of his hand, before slapping him in the face.

"You're such a creep, never touch my stuff again!"  
She walked back over to her brothers and her boyfriend before whispering "What a fag"

That statement was obviously meant for him to hear, and that enough hurt Ross more than he thought possible, but he felt like his heart had been ripped out when he saw that both Rocky and Ratliff were both laughing at what she said.

Without thinking, Ross shoved past them and ran into his room, before flopping onto his bed and crying.

* * *

Riker stood there, almost in shock from what had just happened. He knew that it had something to do with the fact that Ross was in love with Ratliff, but he didn't know why Ross thought it was necessary to take it this far.  
After Ross had ran out, the other three had burst into laughter and started to make fun of Ross. he left the room and made his way towards Ross' door. It was pretty late, almost 10 so he was a little surprised when his phone began to ring, signalling he was getting a call from one of R5s managers.  
He frowned before answering the phone.

"Hello?"  
"Riker, what's the day today?" His manager growled angrily

Riker's confusion had only grown at this point.

"Monday…"  
"Exactly! And how many times did I tell you about the two interviews and the photo shoot you were supposed to have today?!"

Riker cursed as he suddenly remembered all the times that he had been told about today's schedule.

"Shit I'm sorry, I forgot".  
"Oh really I hadn't noticed" his manager sneered sarcastically. "And you should be damn sorry, do you have any idea how many people I had to apologise to today, on _your _behalf!"

Riker was sick of always being blamed for things going wrong. No matter what happened, it was always his fault.

"Hey I'm not the only one who forgot, everyone else did too"  
"You're the oldest Riker, take a little responsibility. I'm done with this conversation, and you are going to have a busy few days to make up for all these interviews. Oh and don't _forget_ that your radio tour starts in four days!" And with that he hung up.

Riker sighed angrily and went to his room. He went straight into his bed and snuggled up under the covers. He was too stressed and he just needed some time alone.

* * *

Ross lay in his bed just staring at the ceiling. He was still hiccuping occasionally but he had calmed himself down tremendously.

He didn't understand. Ratliff had told him to be more like Rydel, but when he tried to be like her, he just laughed at him. No one understood what he was going through, and only one person _knew_ what he was going through. He needed to talk to Riker, maybe he could help him out.

Ross got out of his bed and crept towards his door, thankful that Ryland wasn't there at the moment. He quietly opened the door, and soundlessly made his way down the hallway, hoping to avoid confrontation with anyone.

He signed in relief as he got to Riker's door unnoticed. He opened the door and peered into the dark room.

"Riker?"  
"What?"

Riker hadn't meant for his response to come out as blunt and rude as it did but he just wasn't in the mood to be dealing with Ross' problems at the moment.

"Is there something wrong with me?"  
"No Ross, there's nothing wrong with you" Riker said tiredly.  
"Am I a freak?"

Riker just wanted to be alone and he was losing his patience.

"No Ross! Can you just leave me alone!"

It was quiet for a few moments before a sob echoed through the room.

"I-I'm sorry, I'll go n-now"

Riker couldn't help but feel guilty at how rejected Ross sounded, and how he made him cry.

"Ross wait" he called and Ross turned around "come here"

He lifted up the blankets and Ross got in the bed beside him. Ross snuggled into his brothers chest, still crying. Riker wrapped his arms around him protectively and rubbed his back.

"Why a-am I like this? What's wrong with m-me? Why can't I be n-mormal?"

Riker didn't know the answer to his questions, he just continued to rub his back with one hand, while the other held Ross' head against his chest.


End file.
